Fear of commitment in a relationship is a very present issue in today’s society. I see it with my clients, but I also see it around me. What is so terrifying about sharing your life with another person? Here are some ways to better understand and overcome it.,
What is fear of commitment?
The idea of spending your whole life with the same person can indeed scare many people. In an age where we have the “Next! “It’s not surprising that many people have developed this very real fear of committing to another person.
In fact, the majority of these phobics, as we may call them, do not feel comfortable making a commitment in any area of their lives. The difference with relationship commitment is that another person is inevitably involved and the consequences are more tangible.
Generally, these people shun all forms of joint projects. Whether it’s living together, buying a house, starting a family or even planning a romantic vacation, they cringe at the slightest hint of personal investment. They feel trapped as soon as the relationship takes a more serious turn, but paradoxically, they will rarely take the first steps towards a breakup. They would much rather sabotage the relationship than take the initiative to end it.
How to overcome fear of commitment
Fear of commitment contains several underlying fears. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of losing freedom, fear of being betrayed or abandoned, etc. In addition, it is often intimately linked to certain bad experiences from the past.
Among these wounds, the one most frequently addressed in counselling is undoubtedly that of the separation or divorce of the parents. It is as if, according to them, all relationships were doomed to failure and that the investment was not worth it.
Other people will long for THE perfect person to fulfill their ideal of perfectionist love. They fantasize about a relationship beyond the extraordinary and when it doesn’t reflect what they had planned, their disappointment brings them back to a sad reality of failure and eternal quest.
For some, it is the wounds of a previous relationship that subject them to a real fear of relationship commitment. After having lived with a partner who was too smothering for example. Sick jealousy and conjugal violence are also legitimate reasons for the fear of losing one’s freedom and of recommitting.
How to get out of it?
It is important to know that the basis of any fear is actually the fear of what will happen. Our negative thoughts push us to run away from what could hurt us. This is a very normal reaction, but we must learn to tame this anxiety.
The person who is afraid of commitment must first and foremost recognize his or her limiting beliefs and try to determine what the sources of this fear are. The question I usually ask is “What do you think about when this anxiety occurs? What is the image that comes to mind?”.
Obviously, I strongly recommend a personal journey with a professional in order to face these fears and be able to let go.
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